Some things, like writing (!!) seem out of my grasp lately, stringing together sentences that mean something and that I won’t mind re-reading later on.
It’s because of this fuzzy around the edges tired feeling I’ve had lately, when you realize you’re there in your skin, same as always, but not quite right. Like when the cashier asks if you want bags and you say no, then stare dumbfoundedly at your scattered groceries sitting, unpacked in front of you, cause you didn’t bring any bags, either. Or when you find yourself in front of the dryer, realizing confusedly that even though you got a load washed, you still somehow forgot to turn it on hours ago.
My allergies have been so, so bad this year. Aside from being normally busy, running around, doing errands, working, making dinners and reading stories, wiping noses (usually my own) I haven’t been sleeping well. Just stress and to-do lists, with the arrival of cooler weather it seems to bring a whole new host of things that just can’t wait any longer. And still I long to put them off. So then when I can’t sleep – when my nose is so plugged, my head feels stone-heavy, and my eyes are itching, I drift into thinking and worrying mode. Then in the daytime, my brain feels like it’s leaking out of my ears as I try to process and push forward, going through the motions of normal.
All this aside, it’s just life, and it passes, and we’ll get there, wherever there ends up to be. I can still make a good meal, or decorate my house. Catch up with a friend over coffee, and go shopping. And it’s still enjoyable, even if I’m not quite myself. There are so many things to look forward to, like a week off in September, my sister’s wedding, family Thanksgiving, and Halloween. There’s coffee, lots of coffee.
In the meantime, I’m enjoying some little moments with my funniest little guy.
Relaxing after a busy weekend, and my sister’s bridal shower. I had to keep moving after all of the brunch guests left my house yesterday, or I’d drop. So we walked, sans stroller, stopping to inspect each leaf, feeling them crunch under our shoes, picking up green acorns and tiny crabapples, and laying in the grass to stare up at the vast blue sky.
We reached the park eventually, and I realized that my little baby, who this time last year had just started to shuffling along, beginning to army crawl, can climb up the stairs and then sit, scooting carefully, to go down the slide all by himself. He’s getting to be such a big kid, and still such a sweet boy. He’s enjoying every moment and I should be, too.