After work today I took Baby J out for a stroll with the dog. Just to get out and clear my head. Within minutes I was freezing, having underestimating the sunshine’s effect at 5pm, untangling the leash from the stroller every few steps, listening to J’s squawks of protest. Once I hit the sidewalk and started off in the familiar circle, we all settled down and started walking, and thinking. I gripped the handle tightly and went over the day in my head.
I was up at 5:40am with an upset, teething baby. We managed to clean out the fridge, have coffee and breakfast and both get dressed by 8:45 when Daddy takes over for the day, stumbling up after his late work night. They watch a little old school Sesame Street and I start working. The day is busy, Baby J naps early, Tyler gets a couple hours in practicing songs for a wedding he is playing tomorrow, and I run out to get groceries at lunch, just unpacking them before it’s time to work again. I have to head upstairs, a sobbing kid (his toenails are both coming off, he’s tired, and when oh when will his eye teeth pop through) in my wake.
It’s go-go-go all afternoon for all of us, and I finally break away to eat something a bit after 3pm. I can hear sounds of fun in Julian’s room so I peek in and see them playing happily in his crib. He catches my eye and gets so excited that he bonks his chin on his railing. At least I can to hug and comfort, and I don’t notice the blood on my shirt sleeve until almost 5pm, when I’m done for the day and trade off baby duty so Tyler can record his daily song before he has to go to his gig at 6:15pm. I cut up a bunch of broccoli to toss in the steamer, J helping me fill it up with water, and head out the door for some air.
After our walk, we bring the dog and stroller home, and explore a bit. I’m tired and my unwashed hair is coming out in wisps, I’m still chilled but I’m feeling so happy and thankful too. Grateful that there was a hat for Baby J tucked into the stroller. Loving his rosy nose and cheeks and delighted grin as he spots a branchful of leaves quivering in the wind.
Some days are just so up and down, but they go by in such a quick blur that I can’t worry about every bump and scratch. I have to chose what to focus on and that’s being happy in the moment. Feeling tired and down and stretched too thin, watching my neighbour with her yoga mat a bit wistfully, worrying about the pile of dishes and dog food all over the floor is easy to give into. I never really realized before just how frazzled you can get once you have another little person depending fully on you.
Luckily, pushing it aside for the stories on the couch before bed, snuggled together under a fuzzy blanket is easy to do. There’s a small head, velvety soft, leaning on my shoulder as I croon a couple of lullabies, arms wound around my neck and then just one more, one more kiss before he dozes off. There’s a batch of clean, fresh smelling laundry to fold, inside my nice warm house, there’s tea with honey, and a new Masterchef to watch.
Tomorrow’s another day. And today wasn’t really so bad.